My name is Patrick. I had a good life growing up – no complaints. We were not rich but not poor either. Our homes were simple but sufficient. We had a close family and lived in a fairly tight-knit community. There was nothing out of place on paper.

Internally, that was not the case.

I’ve felt different for as long as I can remember. I was extremely shy from an early age and stayed that way all through my teens. One top of that, my self-esteem was incredibly low and I had very little confidence outside of my closest circle. This was largely thanks to undiagnosed anxiety and bouts of depression, but plenty of my own flawed internal programming and negative views of the world made my problems worse.

While I managed to date, be an athlete, have a few friends and maintain somewhat of a social life, I found myself avoiding any/all situations where I felt uncomfortable. As time went on, this meant missing more and more social events and spending lots of time alone. Despite this avoidance, I still desperately craved acceptance from my peers and would change myself to get it.

The craving for this acceptance was so strong that I seldom voiced my own option, stood up for myself or ever disagree with anyone. This would cause others to take advantage of me in certain ways. I would end up clinging onto relationships that weren’t good for me and bite my tongue too often. 

I have great parents and family, but a hardness and work ethic was instilled in our family at an early age – keeping your head down, staying tough and pressing forward was encouraged. Talking about problems like these seemed taboo. I simply chose to keep everything to myself, despite how receptive others may have been if I tried. 

Deep down, I knew that I didn’t want to live this way and resented myself for these things. In fact, my ego was really strong in my early years. Despite almost everyone seeing me as a “nice guy” – which I so desperately wanted from them – I was secretly bitter, resentful and negative about life, much of which was due to my never expressing myself properly.

Occasionally, my limit would be reached and I’d get angry. While I’ve never been destructive or harmed physically harmed anyone else, I now cringe about some of the reasons why I’d get upset and how I’d act in response. I had no clue how to handle my emotions in a healthy way.

The good news? Over time, I turned myself around completely.

Through a combination of introspection, seeking answers, stepping out of my comfort zone, adopting mental & spiritual practices and most importantly, support from my partner and close circle – I’ve overcome the vast majority of the issues that plagued my youth. 

Life is so much better now.