Are You Cancelling Plans Because Of Anxiety? Here Are 7 Ways To Stop

It’s Tuesday afternoon. We get a text from our friend. They’re attending a huge event this weekend and they want us to come. Sounds great! We respond enthusiastically and are really looking forward to it. Then something strange happens. As Thursday becomes Friday, we feel something arise in us…it’s that cocktail of nervousness, anxiety, fatigue and a little bit of fear for good measure. By the time Saturday afternoon rolls in, we’re cancelling on our friend because “something came up”. We were so excited to attend before – what happened? At this stage, you’ve probably realized that this is a pattern in you and that you’re looking to change it. I’ve come to this conclusion about myself, too. The good news is that it’s completely changeable – but it will take effort. If you’re cancelling plans because of anxiety, be sure to read on.

A Brief Disclaimer…

This website does not give medical or psychological advice. We write our articles based on our experiences with each topic. Advice given on this site is our opinion only. There is zero shame in seeking out professional counseling if you think it will help you.

Why Do I Make Plans Only To Cancel Them?

Let’s look at the act of cancelling plans because of anxiety from a high elevation.

By making plans, we obviously want to socialize – we wouldn’t make plans if we weren’t. We’re often excited about social plans at the time we agree to them.

We feel great about the plans when they’re in the future. Said another way, social plans seem appealing to us when they’re not happening today.

Let’s talk about the act of cancelling these plans. Although we agreed enthusiastically, we did so in a vacuum. In theory. There was no downside; no potential consequence or negativity associated with these plans.

We agreed to these plans in the same way we’d agree to receive $10,000 in general. When we’re told that we have to swim through a crocodile-filled lake to get it, we’re not so excited.

When the day of our big plans arrive, we have to choose between our anxiety and the plans we committed to. If you’re anything like me, you’ve “chosen” anxiety over your commitment many times.

How Do I Stop Cancelling Plans Because Of Anxiety?

As you know, I’m also someone who’s had to deal with social anxiety. I am the first to defer to experts on the subject of long-term, clinical-level anxiety treatment. I’m simply a person who’s overcome my own social anxiety using the tips I’m going to outline below. I encourage you to seek out professional help for treating your anxiety in addition to doing work on your own (as did I).

Below are seven techniques I’ve used with success to stop cancelling plans because of anxiety!

1. Know What’s True To You

We all have unique personalities and preferences. What’s fun to some is a pain or bore for others. With this in mind, there’s a huge variance in what “socializing” actually means.

Ask yourself truthfully – do you truly enjoy the type of plans you’ve agreed to? Your answer is critical!

I’ve cancelled plans because of anxiety on many occasions, but there’s a common thread woven throughout many – I was not honest with myself about what I actually enjoy.

Peer pressure is a huge driver behind our decision-making in our younger years. We often go to certain places and do certain things based on what those around us are doing.

Many of my friends in college enjoyed going to dark clubs, super-crowded parties and loud, wild events. I like going out with friends and don’t mind a larger gathering, but loud noise, tight crowds and the inability to converse with others are deal-breakers for me.

In the past, I’d be extremely anxious before a party or event like this. In hindsight, I realize I just don’t enjoy events like that. I was simply in denial over it.

Figuring out what you actually like is critical. This may mean finding new friends or social circles, but it’s ultimately in the interest of exploring your true preferences.

2. Start VERY Small

The more we cancel plans, the more likely we are to continue doing so into the future. This pattern of cancelling plans due to anxiety becomes self-reinforcing – any form of socializing seems daunting if we go long enough without it.

When we cancel plans habitually, we continue to sail in the exact wrong direction compared to where we want to be. In order to arrive at the destination of being social, we must first turn the ship around.

This involves breaking our pattern.

Problems is, the vast majority of us want to simply get rid of our social anxiety – just tear off the band-aid. This hardly ever works, because we become too overwhelmed in the process.

In order to break our pattern of cancelling plans while also not getting overwhelmed, we have to set really small goals and then accomplish them.

You might not be ready to attend a raging party yet, assuming you still want to after reading the prior section! You can make plenty of progress with much smaller goals at first.

I recommend making small plans that revolve around things you need to do anyways. Here are a few examples of plans you can try setting up with people you’re comfortable with:

• Shopping
• Coffee
• Lunch / Dinner
• Laundry
• Studying
• Exercising
• Hobbies

Socializing via day-to-day activities you need to do anyways is an easy way to break the habit of cancelling plans. Heck, you may only need to implement this one technique to pack your calendar.

3. Choose Comfortable Environments (Or Host)

Anxiety is a very broad term. While many of us can relate to it, the specifics of what actually makes us anxious vary quite a bit from person to person.

For instance, I don’t like extremely loud environments. I also don’t like dark, crowded places. These make me uncomfortable.

On the flip side, I like being able to converse with others. I enjoy feeling like I’ve got space to get comfortable. I feel better hanging out at someones’ house, exploring/day tripping, at restaurants, doing an activity I enjoy or out in nature. Most of my socializing happens in these environments.

As you refine your preferences, you’ll naturally find yourself more comfortable in social settings – there will simply be fewer factors in your environment to make you anxious.

If you only really feel comfortable in your house at this point, try inviting people to your place!

4. Meet A Friend Before Heading To Bigger Events

When it comes to socializing, anxiety levels often correlate with the “magnitude” of the event we’re attending – the larger or more significant a social event is, the more nervous we are.

Do you find yourself cancelling plans that involve attending a large event? This can be an after-work party, wedding, concert, celebration and countless other types of gatherings.

If so, the cause of your anxiety is likely multi-faceted. Simply getting to the event can be anxiety-inducing in and of itself.

Whether it be a fear of arriving too early (or late), not knowing who to talk to, whether or not you’ll know any other guests, where you’ll sit, forced introductions, receiving unwanted attention or something else, there are plenty of reason why people feel anxious before arriving at large events.

If possible, I highly recommend meeting up with other people you know before heading to a large event. This group “support” can be a huge relief, since it neutralizes so many of these concerns.

5. Arrange Logistics In Your Favor

Cancelling plans because of anxiety is a common experience, but this anxiety we feel can be broken down into many small facets.

One of these facets is logistics.

I’ve found myself particularly anxious in situations where I’m not in control of my own “freedom”. If I’m not able to leave on my own terms, I tend to feel trapped and claustrophobic. I begin to view a social occasion as an obligation in which I must commit myself a great deal.

I recommend arranging the logistics of socializing in your favor.

How? Here are some tips:

• Use your own transportation. Having your own car gives you space to be alone, arrive on your terms and leave whenever you feel necessary. If you don’t have a car, you can still arrange your schedule around your own cab, riding a bike or using public transport.
• Give yourself an ‘out’. I don’t condone lying in almost any circumstance, but this is an exception. I recommend having a ready-made reason for needing to leave early if you so choose. Why? By having this ‘out’, you won’t feel anxious about being stuck. By not feeling stuck, you’ll attend. By attending, you’ll potentially enjoy yourself! Isn’t that the point?
• Prioritize your own comfort. Arrange your own plans so you have time to do things that relax you. Whether it be listening to music, eating a certain food, meditating or something different, it’s helpful to make plans in such a way that your sense of calm is prioritized.

6. Visualize Positive Experiences

In the words of Psychology Today, anxiety can be partially described as having “feelings of worry or dread in anticipation of some future bad outcome“.

It’s no wonder that cancelling plans because of anxiety is so common – anxiety leads us to expect the worst from the get-go!

To counteract this, I recommend visualizing all the ways your plans can actually go well.

Imagine your plans going smoothly. Visualize feeling at ease in your expected environment, having fun and enjoying the moment. Let go of trying to impress anyone or needing to achieve a specific outcome. Picture letting your guard down in the face of your own fears, only to realize that the threat exists solely in your mind.

These positive affirmations and visualizations are extremely helpful in counter-balancing anxieties you’re already feeling.

7. Don’t Pressure Yourself Too Much

Last but not least – don’t pressure yourself!

If you’re anything like me, you’ve been dealing with various forms of social anxiety for many years.

By living with anxiety over such a long time, we inevitably develop thought patterns, conditioned responses and specific fears – these won’t go away overnight.

The key to overcoming anxiety is by slowly exposing ourselves to greater and greater stressors over time. A small victory is still a victory.

If you’ve been backing out of social plans regularly, simply showing up for 30 minutes is a lot of progress!

I highly recommend sticking to tackling these small steps for a while in order to build up confidence and start changing habits. So long as you continue forwards, don’t beat yourself up if you backslide occasionally.

The name of the game is consistent progress and short-term goal setting!

In Closing

If you’ve been cancelling plans because of anxiety, you’ve got nothing to be ashamed of. While it is common, overcoming anxiety will take a lot of work and time. That said, it won’t be long before you see your anxiety as a minor inconvenience -not an all-consuming force. I still deal with social anxiety on occasion, but I highly doubt anyone around me knows it. Given where I started, I promise that it’s possible for you, too. By taking small steps forward and using these techniques, you’ll feel a lot better soon!

Read Next:

• Wonder Why You Can’t Look People In The Eye? Consider These Factors
• Why Do I Feel Bad Saying No? Examining Your Guilt & Self-Worth